VITALTO KEEP YOUR SIGHTS ON THE SILVER LINING

Absolutely Tessa, you have hit the nail, squarely on the head. I have an annual ritual that I undertake on New Year's eve. Those who know me well enough, know that I don't go anywhere on New Year's eve and neither does anyone come around to visit. It is the one day in the year that I have a 'date' with myself.

You see, I write down all my goals, ideas, aspirations and anything else I would like to do or achieve. I then take out last years list - tick off and ACKNOWLEDGE all that I have achieved during the year and add on everything that I have done and achieved that wasn't on the list. I then pat myself hartily on the back for a job well done!

We are usually so focused on what we haven't achieved, that we forget about all the stuff that we have achieved, and for me - therein lies the challenge. Our goals change on a daily basis as we move forward or ajust things in order to gain what we have set out to do, yet we only beat ourselves up for the things that we haven't achieved, instead of also giving ourselves credit for what we have achieved.

So take sme time out of your busy day, see what you have done and acknowledge what you haven't. Give yourself credit for what you have done, and stop beating yourself up for what you haven't.

Hoping you all have a fabulous day!

Vital to keep your sights on the silver lining
Don't let stress, fear and worry overpower your decision-making
Tessa Silberbauer

23 July 2007 at 06h00

Sometimes life can be very tough indeed, and reality seems a very bleak place. Crisis happen, and suddenly the budget is way out of kilter; people get ill, or fired, or argue. And when the crisis or argument or accident happens at the end of a run of bad luck, it can be very easy indeed to lose hope.

One of the reasons for this is that we are already spending so much attention on troubleshooting that we lose sight of the things that are going well. Discomfort draws attention away from comfort very easily. And the more we hear something repeated, the more we start to believe it. This is true of the things our parents and early mentors said - and it is even more true of what we say to ourselves - our thoughts. The more we need to deal with, the more difficult it is not to keep thinking things like, "We won't make it," or "I can't deal with this," or all of the other warnings that fear and worry are building up. Because those thoughts are merely that: they are feedback from the body that the stress is accumulating, and that the burden is getting close to being too heavy.

It is important to face the changes that are happening, or the crises that need attention. It is very important to go back to the plans and look at what needs adjusting and ways around the current problem facing us. Denying a problem, or avoiding it, are just as counterproductive as refusing to see that there is a positive (after all, just because we can't see them in the city doesn't mean there are no more stars). But that is not the whole story. To stay motivated, creative, and to manage problems while remaining a pleasant person to live and work with, it is also vital to keep sight of the silver lining. Maintaining that balance will also maintain your energy levels and help to prevent stress conditions (like memory loss, pains, irritations and even immune problems).

So what can you do when you feel like there is no hope?
Remember that your fears and worries, and the worrisome thoughts, are merely warnings of potential consequences. It hasn't happened yet. There are so many factors influencing a single event that all you can see are the most probable ones.

Recognise that when you're becoming really negative, your mind is triggering negative thought patterns more often. Commit to counter-acting these by spending some time each day deliberately focussing on the positive events that are happening and could happen.

Invest in relaxation tools (deep breathing, exercise, dancing, aromatherapy, shiatsu, etc). Even if you're just investing time to go to the library and reading up on what you can do. Then use the tools you can.

When you're taking action try to focus on what you are doing. Whenever you notice yourself thinking about the other stresses, or possible consequences, try to turn your attention back to the task at hand. Multitasking is not a good stress antidote.

Remember that, just as everyone faces crises sometimes, those crises always pass. Whatever it feels like, this is going to change

I find it very useful to remember what the good times felt like. Making that memory as strong as possible, and returning to it often, is an excellent way to build strength and regenerate the mind. When you're cold, it can sometimes be very difficult to believe in warmth, but it does help stamina over the long-term.If you hear something often enough, you start to believe it. The good news is that you can change that.

Tessa Silberbauer is a Johannesburg-based life management trainer.
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