Inspiration – Forgiving Yourself

Inspiration – Forgiving Yourself

By Nikki Viljoen of N Viljoen Consulting (Pty) Ltd

It is said ‘that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. . . . sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.’

This for me, in my personal capacity has to be one of my greatest challenges, and what often makes the challenge even greater is that often my transgression, is something that is only my perception!

In my experience, people are far harder on themselves than anyone could actually be on them.  It is for this very reason that I tell most of my clients to let their staff perform their own Performance Appraisals – basically what that means is that they rate themselves.

I have yet to see a staff member rate themselves higher than what their bosses rate them and this is because the actual physical action of performing the appraisal makes them think about what they do and how they perform their duties.  It makes them look at who they are and what they do, from a totally different perspective.

The outcome usually, is that they rate themselves far lower that what their employers rate them, and with the higher ranking from the boss, comes a different appreciation and respect for their bosses, which usually means a half way decent relationship between the employer and the employee – at least for a little while.

What is also very important to remember though, is that the employer now needs to work on taking that staff member’s lack of self esteem and turning that into something that is positive and that becomes a win/win situation for both parties.

It does highlight however, that as individual we are really very hard on ourselves – harder on ourselves than any other person and that most of our transgressions are perceptions in our own minds.

That said, I am still challenged by looking at my own demons and finding forgiveness for myself, by myself.  I have discovered though that my demons are often quieted when I give myself credit for the things that I have accomplished and the good things that I have achieved.

So perhaps, therein lies the solution.

Remember to heap accolades and praise upon your head, for each and everything that you achieve or do well. Not just the big things, but the little things too.  Things like every appointment that you make on time, each telephone call that you return when you say you will, each deadline that you meet and each and every person, in whose life, you make a difference.

Remember, you are the architect  of your own life.  Let that life be full of laughter and joy and yes . . . .  even your own forgiveness.

Nikki is an Internal Auditor and Business Administration Specialist who can be contacted on 083 702 8849 or nikki@viljoenconsulting.co.za or www.viljoenconsulting.co.za