We all need time out or 'me' time and it should be our number 1 priority. Take time out in order to cope with the rest of the demands that are made on your time.
Five minutes a day for a life with much less stress
Tessa Silberbauer
15 November 2007 at 11h00
Question: What do we think is unnecessary when life is good, and unaffordable when times are hard?
Answer: Making time for ourselves.
Many would disagree with that. After all, don't we watch TV? Go to the movies, or have coffee with friends? What else do we do on weekends? Well, yes, we do all these things. But they are not usually activities that allow us to focus and nurture ourselves. Chatting with friends, for example, is necessary and may nurture our friendships, but it doesn't (or shouldn't) focus on us alone. The same goes for our family and personal relationships. TV seems to be one of the most energy-draining activities around, along with eating fast foods and doing something that hurts.
Somehow it seems that we need to be clearing a "to-do" list every moment of our lives; that each minute ought to be productive and accounted for. Which begs the question: accounted to whom? Who will read the minutiae of our lives, and when?
Perhaps some of the confusion lies in the concept of relaxation. There are generally two types: passive and active. Passive activities are externally based: reading a book, watching a film, listening to music or laughing with friends. All these are focused on things outside ourselves, and largely depend on others. Passive relaxation is important - as already mentioned, it nurtures our relationships, and it also helps us to remember that we are not the only important people in the world. It helps us to regain a type of perspective. But if that's all we do, then we slowly develop the perception that our ability to relax depends on external circumstances, like noise, quality of music or films available or the funniness of friends. Active relaxation on the other hand is internally focused. This is when we pay attention solely to ourselves and to nurturing our body, spirit and emotions. And, although it does relieve stress, exercise does not really fall in this section - unless it's a moving meditation such as Tai Chi or yoga.
Active relaxation is activities that we choose with the intention of relaxing. We actively participate in our own health. It requires experimentation until we have a wide range of choices and we know which behaviours are appropriate to what kind of situation. It also requires a kind of acceptance: this habit manifests its benefits after a few weeks, and focusing solely on relaxing all day does not increase the benefits either. It is like baking a cake: all ingredients are necessary, but they must be in the right proportion, and setting the oven to twice as hot will not create a perfect cake in half the time. We don't believe that five minutes for ourselves every day will make a difference - it's the "more is better" mentality of our society. And as a result, most of us find it surprisingly difficult to "find" those five minutes each day. But when we develop the habit of active relaxation, certain other healthy activities automatically become easier, and usually we don't notice this for a while.
Prioritising is simpler.
We regain perspective.
Coping with small and large crises becomes easier
Taking responsibility is less intimidating
Health is maintained
Tension reduces
Problem-solving is more effective (as a result of all of the above).
Five minutes every day can have a great impact on your life. Give it a try, and over the next few weeks you will see the results spreading through all areas of your life, both personal and professional.
Tessa Silberbauer is a Joburg-based life management trainer. For information, corporate training or private consulting, contact her on 083-310-0955 or livingskills@webmail.co.za
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